Vignette 1: First T Shot (October 3, 2012) 

Hi there. Today is Wednesday October 3rd (2012). I got my first tee shot Monday, October 1st. And I'll be back to see the doctor next Monday. We have to keep a monitor on how the dosage affects me and make sure everything's going right. So, someone said today or Monday October 1st is my trans-aversy. Still very excited, excited that I'm actually taking the real first step besides the deciding to do it. So, I was, I was sitting in the doctor's office Monday and just enjoying the whole fact that I was actually there. Ah, relishing the moment. Just taking nice deep breaths and feeling so relaxed and so, so happy. I keep using that word because that's how I feel. I've had people tell me that I'm so much more relaxed and happy than I was before. And I've always been kind of a happy, light hearted person. But they said there is a difference there, that I am acting slightly different. So that's good that I'm acting different in a good way. So I'm going to keep a log, once a week. When I get my shots so that you can see and hear the difference. And I can keep you up on what the experience is like with my personal feelings and also what's happening medically. So I think for now, I'll see you guys next week.

Vignette 2: Facing Transphobia Online  

My channel got attacked by a transphobic group and they because of them attacking my videos. YouTube deleted my most popular video, which was the four year slide show. Because they said, this group accused me of having a threatening, harassing, bullying video, which wasn't. So, that video's gone. That slideshow is gone, but I'm going to put together a10 year slide show now and they may come and attack me again, but I won't be intimidated. I won't back down. Because that's what they want.

Vignette 3: Resisting Transphobia 

I've never been a political person. And everybody that knew me, and I didn't care who knew that I was transgender. You know, obviously I'm out, publicly disclosed, with my YouTube and my Blogger and Facebook and Twitter and everything else. But I've never gotten up on a soapbox and told the entire community that I was no, I was transgender, as well as gay. You know, double whammy. But there was an incident happened due to the same transphobic group that attacked me. They attacked a young, 18-year-old trans lady that's in the process of trying to transition, but money's holding her back from being able to get all the surgery as such. And this group, this one woman, part of the group made a big scene about a man being in the women's room, which wasn't true. And she had been a troublemaker for a long time, and so they, the YMCA banned her. And so this group then started demonstrations and protests and creating all this hoopla and controversy. And I joined in a discussion about, because there was mistruth about what had actually happened. And so, it's part of the discussion on a group we call next door neighbor, it's a community thing. I joined in and explained what had really happened. And that why this lady, this transgender lady, what was going on. The truth. And this group, because of that, found out about me. That's how they found me. And then they targeted me, and they targeted my YouTube channel. I started going to the various city councils. And I never. Wanted to do something like that, but I decided to stand up for the transgender rights and trying to explain to the community what the bathroom bill actually was.

Vignette 4: Feeling Free 

But the neat thing about it, the good thing is I've been all these years not disclosing myself because, because of the, you know, people don't want it. Some people don't want it, don't like it, you know, on a transgender gay. But after I, but in the meantime, there's things that if you don't want someone to know that you're transgender or gay, there were things about my life that I couldn't share. The fact that I had been a little girl, that I had worn dresses, that I'd had menstruation, that I had been part of, little girls, Bluebird campfire groups, et cetera. I couldn't share those things. I couldn't share that I'd had a husband for 35 years. All of that stuff I had to somehow hide. I had to hide my female name. I had to have a wall up there so. And sometimes it would slip out and it was like oh, oh dear. But now, now that I've come out, disclosed completely, I took a deep breath all at once. I don't have anything to fear. Now I know that everybody in the community knows. And all at once, I'm not lying or non-disclosing anything. I talked about having a husband. I talk about to other ladies about I had been pregnant and had an abortion and that I had menstruation that I had everything that women can and do go through. And all at once, I feel free. I can't believe how free I feel. It's like, I was able to draw all those walls and all that protection, and now it's, you know what people, this is who I am. I'm not going to try and hide it anymore. It's going to be your problem, your responsibility, if you can't accept me. I've got that now and it's really, really nice.