Vignette 1: Coming Out to Wife 

So that was a tough one. Yeah, I finally had, I picked one day and said, okay, this is the day I'm going through it. I think you're actually getting ready to go down to Kenmore that day. I don't remember, but I remember I sat her down and basically started bawling. And she couldn't figure out first what was going on, why I was crying. When I finally told her, she was shocked. To my relief, the reaction wasn't, you know, instant rejection or anything like that. So, anyway, it's been kind of, it's been rocky. And she's struggled with it, various aspects of it. But we're still together. 

Vignette 2: Transitioning Process  

Like a few weeks later, I contacted this practice, or clinic on Capitol Hill, in Seattle that specializes in service, you know, being of service to LGBT people. And kind of snuck away from home because I hadn't, didn't come out to my wife right away. And called them up and said I think I'm trans. So, the receptionist there put me in touch with a doctor. And met with her and one of your questions, well, have you told your wife yet and I said no. And so, we discussed that a little bit and she didn't, you know, she didn't say anything like, well, you should do it right now or anything. Just kind of discussed it a little bit. And then she said, well, why don't we meet again in a few weeks, and we'll discuss hormones. So, I kind of resolved then, at that point, that I would talk to my wife first because I knew that once you start hormones, things start to happen. And they're hard to hide after a while, so. Plus, I just, I didn't feel like I could hide this from her and feel right. And then, so I went and got on hormones in August of 2020 and then just waited. And, you know, let my hair grow out. I bought a little device, supposedly at home light thing that's supposed to kill the, your hairs pellicles. So, I've tried using that to get rid of facial hair with mixed success. And then towards the end of the year, I started thinking about surgeries. I think it was November, so I started calling around, got consultations. And then last year was kind of a whirlwind of getting surgeries. And then that's when, you know, things start changing both physically and then internally to. I kind of gained confidence in my presentation and was able to, you know, come out. You know, feel comfortable going shopping with, you know, just looking full time.

Vignette 3: Coming Out at Work 

So, I didn't come out at work until December 2021, yeah. And I was just terrified. Actually, I take that back. There's a, what do they call it, an ERG group. Employee resource group is what they called it. And there was one for LGBT folk. I was, and now they sure, there's assurances on their website that this was private and, you know, I was still terrified though. I thought somehow or another it's going to leak out. And the rest of the company's going to find out. So, I was very cautious about contacting the organizer of this CRG group. So that was like the middle of 2021, I think, on my way into that group. So that was nice. Wasn't until, I don't know by the winter of 2021, I started to feel like it was time, you know. It was like a, there's this growing feeling like I really wanted to bust out. I wanted to live as my you know, authentic self, as they say. And that included being at work. So, I finally got on a zoom call with my boss. My boss at the time, was actually in Atlanta because the company is kind of spread out. And I was really concerned. Atlanta is, Georgia is kind of not known for its progressiveness in that area, but he was just enormously supportive and basically didn't bat an eye. Supported me from the beginning. And so that encouraged me to keep going. And so, a few months, couple months later, I guess I came out to, basically had two co-workers that I saw or that I work with closely and so I came out to them. We hardly ever turned on their camera, so it was possible to stay stealth the whole time, but like I say, it became important to me that, you know, at least the people that I knew and talked to I could come out to them. So, I did that and then my manager put me in touch with another trans woman who works for the company. So, he said, she can help you go through the name changing process because she's been through it herself already. So, with her help I got that done. 

Vignette 4: Relationship with Daughters 

I say this, especially with one of my two daughters. I've gotten closer to both of them, but one of them in particular, I think, like we've gotten together and met with me a few times and have coffee and just talk like, you know, like friends. It's just been one of the best things about this. Being able to have that relationship with my daughter. I think that might happen with the other one, as well, eventually. Because we're starting to see each other a little more often. The other daughter, the one we'll be seeing more of, I think the reason that she's been busy and she lives a little further away. South Seattle. It's a little harder to get together with her. But it's it's just, they just treat me, I mean like they always have, except it's closer, I don't know, it's hard to describe. Yeah, they like, they'll confide in me now, in a way they didn't used to. Yeah.

Vignette 5: Finding Community 

Had joined the Discord server that, where most of the people live in Skagit and Whatcome counties, but I haven't, I think I've met only one person in in that group. They're not real active. And that's been kind of a struggle, trying to find a community, either in the Seattle area, which has been difficult, or even or up here in the Bellingham area. It's been a struggle The closest, I have two two friends who are trans. Ones in Portland. She's in, she's 50 and married. The other ones in Sequim and is in her 40s and married. I've ave met each of them in person once. So yeah, finding a community here has been difficult. And for a long period, when I was just coming out, I felt really, really isolated. It took a while to find people. The one I met in Portland I met by commenting on a YouTube video, and she commented on, she made a reply on my comment, and we were able to hook up through LinkedIn.

Vignette 6: Discord Channel

So I actually go to a meeting that they have in Portland. So she invited me - the one in Portland invited me – to meetings there. So they’re kind of every week. And they're not really support groups, it's just kind of a ‘sit around and chat about things’. And then the woman in Sequim invited me to their support group, you know, it’s for the people out there on the Olympic Peninsula. So here I am, on two different groups, but neither of them are local. The woman I met through the YouTube channel in Portland, who she was also trying to find some larger community. So she found this discord channel. It's called “Translater”, or, “later” meaning older in age and so it kind of works – or is a forum for - older trans folk. And so she got on, invited me on. That was a year and a half ago, I think. And it's been kind of my central, or, sort of virtually meet lots of people - but and that’s where, how, I met the woman in Sequim and then she invited me to their support group.

Vignette 7: Ingersoll

I thought, well, if I can't find the community here, maybe it would be easier to find people beyond that area since it's, you know, a larger metropolitan. And there is a large support group in Ingersoll, and I did attend some of those meetings earlier on, but I found that it was so large that it's hard to have, you know, have much time to say anything. And they were mostly much younger folk, and it didn't seemed as though - now you know it's still kind of the early ages, early stage of the pandemic, and, whether that was it or not, but - and that never was any talk about ‘oh let's get together in real life and do something’, so... It just felt like, when I got involved in these other groups, I kind of stopped attending the Ingersoll meetings because it didn't really, feel right or, you know, what I needed.

Vignette 8: Community Groups

Yeah, they're very different, like I said. I think the one in Portland kind of grew out of a group of trans and, I guess, the one just calls herself a cross-dressing person and they're not transitioning, but. So there is a couple of people in the group, or a few people, who are not full-time, and then some trans actual people are full-timers. And, I guess before the pandemic they used to meet and have dinner every week, and then when the pandemic started, they kind of continued that online. So it feels like you're sitting around having dinner and chatting with folks. There have been, I guess in any group you have somebody who kind of talks about things that you'd rather not talk about or hogs the, you know, goes on and on. So for the most part yeah, it's been nice to get on there and when I can I try to get on there and meet with these people. And the one in Sequim or Port Townsend area, it meets once a month. That one’s a little more kind of modeled on a support group where they, everyone gets a period of time to talk, and then when everyone's had their say, then, maybe have a little discussion about something afterwards. And that one’s nice too, just because of the kind of different format, and there's also kind of a larger cross-section of people. The one, the group in Portland is all trans women, or, you know, common meaning [or “who are, you know, coming to the meeting”], whereas the group in Port Townsend, or Port Angeles, seems to be like a 50/50 mix of trans men and trans women. So yeah, you could get to hear sort of different, once a year different stories. But the one in Portland, definitely older, they're an older group. I think that's where they kind of started out. One that organizes about my age, and one in the Jefferson County - I should say the one that’s on the peninsula - is, again, kind of a mixture of young, younger and older folks. It would be really nice to have groups in the Bellingham area where I felt the house [?] had something in common with them, and, you know, we could get together, you know, now and then, yeah.

Vignette 9: Early Realizations

I guess I could start by saying I've always felt I was, you know, different. Growing up male I didn't feel, you know, I didn't have the same interests as other men did. And, like, it's hard to think about how I felt about that but... And, I remember, I mean I always had this story, this picture in my mind; when I was 5 I asked my mom, I think my parents, if it was possible that I’d grow up and become a girl instead. This is, you know, like 1962 and so it's, you know, that idea was just kind of preposterous and they were young themselves and they, you know, early 20s, so they probably have never heard of trans people themselves. So they said, you know, that “no, that's not possible”, and that was kind of the end of that. And then I remember in my, as I was start of adolescence, there's, you know, I had what I felt was like unusual things going on with my chest and I felt like I was about to develop breasts. And I just remember thinking like ‘Oh great!’, you know. I had this fantasy that I would actually take a different path and develop into a woman. But then, after about six months, things kind of died down and so I realized, oh, I guess that's not going to happen.

Vignette 10: Feeling Different

And so as an adult, and especially in the last - my company I currently work for, I share an office with like three other guys and we go out to lunch once a month. It always felt a little out of place. And, you know, they talk about things like, you know, I didn't really relate to. And I remember it seemed like the older that I got, the more anxious that I got that they wouldn't somehow see me as, you know, less masculine or something. It's just this constant anxiety that I was going to be caught out because of some mannerism or something I said or some, the way I said it or something like that.

Vignette 11: Representation

I guess I'd seen representations of people who are supposedly were trans in movies and things, or heard about, you know, celebrities like Chaz Bono. But it didn't really click or something didn't, say to me, oh, you know, you might be part of that. I think the reason that didn't happen was I had this idea that from what I, you know, the little big thing I had of trans people, I thought, well, they are on the extreme end of the sexuality spectrum. You know, trans women were, you know, gay men who went all the way. So I thought, well, I knew I was attracted to women, so I thought [?] like, that can't be me so I'm not in that group. And it wasn't, so it wasn't till fall of 2019 that, sort of randomly out of the blue, you know, you go on to YouTube and you haven't signed on to your account yet, you get random videos popping up. And there was one in there by this English young trans male named Jamie Dodger, you know. And the headline, for some reason the headline to the video caught my eye, and well that's interesting, I'm kind of curious about this person's experience. So I start watching it and like in that video, right off the bat, he says the gender identity and sexuality spectrums are two different spectrums. You know like, they're just not the same. And that kind of just hit me like ‘oh’. And so I just kept watching more of his videos. And then, of course as you're watching videos, you get more of them suggested to you, and for a while they're mostly, you know, transgender men. Eventually I started getting, you know, transgender women as well.

Vignette 12: Realizing

Of course as you're watching videos, you get more women suggested to you, and, for a while they're mostly, you know, transgender men. But eventually I started getting, you know, transgender women as well. It took a while watching those because most of them are young and a lot of them were talking about how they're do their makeup and so on, and I found it hard to relate to those. But eventually, you know, more of them that I could relate to. And finally, I remember April 14th, 2020. I was sitting watching this one set of videos from a, you know, put on by a trans women. Three of them and when I got to the third video, something just exploded in my head. I said, ‘Oh my God’, you know ‘I'm trans’. You know, like, this person's experience is mine. And then it was just like, it's hard to describe, it was just kind of explosive and I spent a few days kind of dumbfounded for a while, trying to figure out what to do about this.

Vignette 13: Knowing Earlier

Soon after, you know, the realization that I'm trans, um, you know, the thought hits you. Well, why couldn't I have known this earlier? Um, how did I manage to not recognize this, you know, for so long? And it does kind of create a … you hear of, um, imposter syndrome. You know, like, oh, maybe I'm not really trans. Um, I'm just, I just think I am and I'm an imposter. It's like, um, one of the women I know who's down in Portland says that she knew, you know, very early on. Like this, the girl in this book. You know, she knew when she was before 10, anyway, maybe 5 or so. And was really aware of it in her teen years. But um, again, didn't have the language or the, you know, the awareness of it. And then she got married and divorced and married again and really struggled with it and, um, didn't begin transitioning till like, five years ago or something. But I've discussed with her a little bit about, so you were really aware and knew early on, you know, early on, whereas I had inklings of it. But didn't feel it that strongly and you know, it wasn't a real compelling thing like I need to do this, obviously, because it. So, what are the differences in, you know, is it biological or societal? You know, had to do with the time I was born. It was kind of giving me a lot of you know, maybe ponder this off and on in the last couple of years, while I've been transitioning like. Um, but I try not to dwell on it too much, because then you kind of get, go down the rabbit hole and like, jeez, If I'd only done this, or only known that.

Vignette 14: What If I Realized Sooner

I heard about the podcast when, you know, they were airing on KUOW. And a few years, eight years ago or 10 years ago. And I remember being interested in it. Not quite sure why, but something was saying, ah, you should listen to those. And, um, if I had, who knows maybe I would have been, you know, triggered something back then. But, um, anyway, um, yeah, back in February, I was, my wife and I were in Hawaii and I, um, got a temporary library card to go check out books. And so, um, I walked down this one aisle and there at the end of the aisle was the book. And it's like, as if I went straight forward. And I thought, 'Wow, I must have, you know'. And I don't think of magical thinking, but it seemed like, 'Wow, I was destined to find this book, all the way over in Hawaii' and so I checked it out and just read it ravenously. I just went right through it. I tend to be a slow reader, but it was an easy read. And just, you know, just, you know, a wonderful story, but it hadn't got me towards the end thinking about, 'Wow again, yeah, I wish that, what if I'd known when I was younger and as strongly as this girl did and does. You know, what would have my life been like? That would have been different.' I'm always reminded that, you know, if I insisted, like she did back in the early 60s when I was a child, though, my parents probably would've not known what to do with that and discouraged me. And it's not like they were, I mean, they're not conservative. They weren't conservative or religious or anything. They just, I think they were in their early 20s and probably, I don't know if age matters, but you know, I think that, and I was their first child and they probably would have thought, 'What is this about? You know, this isn't in the parenting manual', uh, Doctor Spock, or whatever it was at the time. And so I kind of wonder what they would have made of that. I know that my dad, um, I think he was kind of aware that I was a little different, then he tried to, I remember one time, taking me out and trying to get me to catch a ball with him, you know? And I didn't really want to be doing that. And so I wasn't cooperating all that well. And I got really frustrated so, yeah, I think he was, there was kind of an inkling that I was going to be a little different.

Vignette 15: Representation

Yeah, I can't remember, like, the first time I really... I think about the first time I ever became aware, you know the idea that somebody could be, you know transgender, even though I didn't have the language for it. There was a movie 'World According to Garp'. One of the major figures in there is, John Lithgow, who was playing a transgender woman in that show. And interesting, yeah, the trans people were often portrayed as negative or bad characters in movies. I think that was the one movie where the transgender character was actually positive. Um, but I remember watching that and not having a clue as to what this person meant and just thought that, oh, I guess maybe I was thinking 'This is someone dressed in drag or something', even though I really wasn't aware of drag either. Um, you know the idea that somebody could actually medically transition. Um, so I just kind of... you know, a while after seeing the movie, I just, I think I just kind of forgot about it. And then there was... I can't remember the name of the other movie, about a soldier who meets a transgender woman. Yeah, I wish I could remember the name. And then the soldier gets hit by a car and dies, and then somebody else gets together with the trans woman. And there's one scene where it's kind of pointing to as towards the end of the movie, where it kind of makes the trans woman not look so good or something like that. In 'The Crying Game', I, again, I wasn't sure, I think what I was seeing when I was watching that was that, again, this idea that people who are trans, but I didn't know what that was, that people who are living that life are, um, at the far end of being gay, you know. And since I knew I wasn't, then there was no connection there and it just, was just somebody else's story. And, so again, you know, I watched that … and it's an interesting story but it has nothing to do with me and I just kind of forgot about it.

Vignette 16: Awareness of Trans women

Didn't really see anything that made me go, 'Oh, um, these people exist', until When Chaz Bono came out, I think. Which was relatively, in my lifetime, really not too long ago, it seems like. Um, and I didn't quite know what to make of that, um...Yeah, um, and then awareness of trans women came more recently than that. I think. Like, I began to see, like, articles about um, was that the... a trans woman entered the Miss Canada pageant or something like that some years ago, and maybe even was close to winning or did win? Anyway, um, and then I was like, 'Oh, that's interesting'. And it kind of piqued the curiosity. Like, what did this person go through to, you know, to become a woman? But it kind of piqued the curiosity. I never really followed up on it. Um... again, because I guess I thought, you know, it didn't relate to me. And then there was that, hearing about that podcast, 'How to Be a Girl', kinda sounded interesting, but... I don't know, I just, like, never found the time.

Vignette 17: Looking for Something

There was always this feeling in the background, like I was saying before about when I go out to lunch with guys at work and, or just interacting with anyone, especially anyone male...that I didn't fit in. And so, I think that's when, um, I came on these YouTube videos, I was primed to, you know, to be receptive to them. Yeah, I remember once I started getting into the videos by transgender women like, I was searching for something in those videos, and I couldn't get enough of watching them. I just kept looking for something that said something to me that, you know, I think I was feeling but not aware of, or something. I don't know.

Vignette 18: COVID

And I've also tried, I've wondered why did it kind of coincide with the start of the pandemic and, um... On these forums, online forums, and on the discord servers, I've heard people say the same thing. There seemed to have been a kind of a flood of people coming out around the time of the start of the pandemic and they say, 'Well, it was a period where you have lots of time to reflect on yourself.'

Vignette 19: Transitioning in Later Life

Yeah, yeah, I think I mentioned that there was a couple of times I would say, 'Well, geez, I'm 60 or over 60 and I wouldn't explicitly say, 'Yeah, try living in my shoes, right?', like that. Just trying to make the point that there's some of us who are even older and those kind of things. And over the years, I've kind of realized maybe I shouldn't, you know, try to negate their feelings by saying, 'Well, I'm even older', or something like that. So, I've just kind of not done that quite so much. It does stir up a feeling in me like, um, why did this take so long for me to realize? You know, what would have happened if I realized, even in my 30s or 40s, like these folks have? And they're like, I say, they're lamenting that they hadn't realized in their 20s or teens. But on the other hand, I always remind myself well... My wife and I were married at 28 and if I... And then we had our children when we were 32. And uh, you know, realized I was in trans in my 30s or 40s, like trying to imagine the disruption that would have had in the family. And again, I've seen there's, especially in the last couple of months, have been two or three or four people come on who are describing their side situation where they have young children, and their wife is very unaccepting. In a couple of cases, they're married to you know very religious, you know, conservative, you know, that kind of situation... and the wife is just adamant that they either stop transitioning or they'll leave. You know, in one case, leave with the children and so yeah, it's kind of heartbreaking. I think I'm fortunate I didn't go through that. I don't know how I would've dealt with it. So, in a way, it kind of worked out. You know, but, um this didn't happen until the children were grown. But still in my case, my wife is still kind of going through that like, 'I don't know how I'm going to live with a woman. That's not what I signed up for.'

Vignette 20: What to Wear
Three years ago, or something? Maybe 2 years ago, I think my wife discovered this company that's based in Seattle, Zulily... an online clothing company. And they sell a bunch of other stuff, too. And so... she got kind of excited about that and started ordering stuff, and then I started looking at them. So yeah, they had some good deals here. So, I start ordering things just kind of, you see a picture and you go 'Oh, yeah, that would look nice on me', and order it. And then when I get it and actually put on, I think, 'Well, I don't know. Looks kind of young, you know, for me.' So it sits in the closet now, but I keep thinking 'Oh, one of these days I'll find the right occasion to put this on. I think I keep thinking about waiting for retirement when I can actually get out... Get involved in some activities and maybe I'll wear it then. The main thing about... I think skirts and dresses kind of stand out in my mind. So, I see, again, I see these, I see them online. Where, very rarely, if at all, I'll get out to actual physical stores anymore and go through the racks or anything. But um, so you see a picture online and um, I filter it to, you know, like skirts below the knee, that kind of thing. Or maxi dresses or something. Because I picture myself in a skirt above the knee or higher, and that just looks too young, you know. You know, I look around. I can't imagine a, you know, a woman in her 60s, you know, wearing that just doesn't seem to fit. But yeah, so it's kind of a struggle between feeling like I missed out on being able to do that when I was young... um, and experience the, you know, the full range of expression. Wearing um, you know, short dresses and so on, short and colorful.

Vignette 21: Swimsuit

The one thing I'm kind of looking forward to...Kind of waiting on until after the surgery is being able to wear a swimsuit though, but there again, I think, 'What kind of swimsuit would I wear?' Well, a bikini, again, it's kind of for young women. I'll probably end up with a, like a one piece. My wife has told me, yeah what you ought to get is... What do they call it? A tankini with a little dress on it, a little skirt on it- those kind of swimsuits. And I don't know if I want to do that, you know, conservative in my swimsuit dress, but we'll see. We'll see when I get there.

Vignette 22: Clothing and Being in Public

And I think my view has kind of changed as I progressed through transition. I remember early on I bought a, I think it was probably one of the first things that I bought because like, you know, I saw it on Amazon and I thought, 'Oh, that looks nice'. And it's a long, full-length maxi dress. And so I remember it was kind of short sleeves. I remember trying it on, look at myself in the full-length mirror and realizing that, gosh, my arm muscles look like, you know, a bodybuilder or something, even though I'm not, I don't think I really have those type of muscles. But in this dress, it looked like that. It's like, goodness... There's an incongruity here that... And also, I'm still kind of flat-chested and so it's kind of a shock to put that on for the first time and I realized, 'Oh, you know, I got a ways to go before I can wear this dress.' So, it's been in the closet for a couple of years now. Yeah, so...And it's only been maybe the last year or even the last six months, where I began to feel comfortable going out in public in a dress and I had been wearing a dress or skirt around the house quite a bit like to [?] have one on now but going out in public is still kind of a challenge it's getting easier. I guess frankly more confidence in my appearance um, but, you know, had some facial surgeries and breast augmentation and if I hadn't had those, I think I'd still be in the closet. Because, yeah, just... I had a fairly masculine-looking face and so it's just kind of daunting to go out trying to present as a woman. I know some people can do it. I don't think I was able to do that.

Vignette 23: Birch Bay Clothing

I've been kind of aware that, um, up in the Birch Bay area it's a higher percentage of, you know, Fox News watchers. On my street, I can, I know that there are at least a couple of people who are watching Fox News cause in the evening, as I'm going down the street and they tend to keep their blinds open, I can look in and they have big screen TV’s, and I can see Fox News on their screen. So, like, 'Oh, this is where I live.' And, um... then when I see them out in their yard, I'm not sure what they're thinking, but we haven't really spoken to each other. But um, so yeah, when I'm up here I tend to be more aware of, watching, and like, if I'm in the store I'm kind of watching too, watching to see who is looking at me and so I guess if I'm... like if I'm in Seattle and I'm like walking through, like lately, recently, I've kind of been walking from the bus stop to where I'm headed. And I care a lot less, I'm less, much less concerned about, you know, the people around me? I guess there's just this general sense that attitudes are more progressive there and I guess also maybe a feeling that people would be much less likely to, you know, do me harm in the middle of the city versus out here. So yeah, we do quite a bit of walking, um, around the bay near Birch Bay. And a couple of times I've kind of ventured out in, like, leggings and a skirt or something, but usually I leave the skirt at home just cause... well, for one thing, I've noticed when we cross people on the walking path around the bay, you know, most of the women around here aren't wearing skirts so I thought, 'Well to fit in, I should try to dress like they are'. Most of them are just wearing leggings, so I kind of picked up on that and in Seattle, like, I think I've been less concerned about trying to dress like everyone else, and just dress the way I want. So there I am much more likely to, you know, put on a skirt and just dress how I want.

Vignette 24: Clothing Seattle

In Seattle, like, I think I've been less concerned about trying to dress like everyone else, and just dress the way I want. So, there I am much more likely to, you know, put on a skirt and... just dress how I want. At the time, I really started feeling comfortable doing it, still kind of...You know, the weather is, like, winter is coming and so the kinds of dresses that I would see being, you know, challenging, inappropriate, perhaps, um, for my age are more things you'd wear in the summertime, you know, short skirts and so on. So yeah, I'm kind of wondering as weather gets warmer, am I going to be tempted to...you know. Although I don't have any yet, so I'd have to go, actually go out and buy something but... Yeah, there is the temptation to go buy something and wear it in Seattle. I think it might, I could imagine... you know, if I were to connect with other trans folks in the Seattle area and they, you know, were dressing that way, I suppose I could. If I were to join them in something, some event. You know, I could picture doing it. But even there, it's hard to say whether I could get over the feeling that, 'Oh, I'm a little old to be to be wearing this.'

Vignette 25: Bags

When I started wearing women's jeans, I realized I need something to hold my wallet and keys and things, my cell phone. And so, my wife said, 'Oh, well I have this old bag that I don't use. Here, use this'. Like, it's downstairs, but it's kind of smallish cloth over the shoulder kind of bag, but nice, you know, like I have a, you know, transgender pin, you know. I stuck that on the bag in case... Usually I keep it towards my hip, so I'm not outing myself, but if I ever see somebody, I suspect I could flip it around and walk by them and see. So, I've been using it but I've found lately it's getting too cramped and too small for the stuff I want to carry, so I've been starting to look like look at, you know, look into finding a larger bag. So yeah, that would be nice but I'm not, I don't think I'm a, what do they call it, [Not sure how much to include from this part] a real hound about that, but it would be nice to get something that was uh, that worked a little better than the one I have now.

Vignette 26: Earrings

So yeah, I remember I pierced my own ears. I went and got a... So, it was like the, I think it was the Winter of 2021, so, you know, two years ago. Um, yeah, I got the piercing gun from Amazon. And Wham, Wham... Put the holes in my ears and, um, as I realized that I could probably wear earrings and it'd feel good, you know, feel affirming and yet. wouldn't raise a lot of eyebrows, probably unlike, you know, putting on women's clothing - a skirt or something. I mean, people might notice but they, you know, wouldn't think too much of it. Unless I got really dangly, it's just something but, even then... So usually when I start out, I got, you know, like a little stud and then and then usually I just got some hoops and uh... I did see something like this, something that something that dangles like... I bought them for the future, you know? And so, for a long time I just wore a stud and, you know, and a ring or hoop and thought that would probably be safe. Um, but yeah, there was a pair like, I couldn't get enough of, you know, I was always visiting websites to see what kind of different styles of earrings I could find, and, um, so I got quite a collection of them. That's kind of trailed off now that... because my wife would say now that, 'I think you have enough earrings. It's time to...' Because she basically has one or two pairs that she wears all the time, and that's it. So, when she saw … And I even made a little earring holder for them.